Funny Quotes



Funny Quotes : - In today's world we have lots of work to do, lots of ambitions to complete and lots of pressure on the head of life, work, family and kids. Don't we are losing the smile on our faces because of these works? We are actually spending our time now it's time to live. Live with a smile on the face and in that case Funny Quotes are the best to reveal the tension for life no matter for a short period but it will give a new energy to the mind to work more effectively. Through Funny Quotes we can make anyone laugh and make his day. The jokes are really beneficial in transforming the mood from sad to happy one. It also change our attitude, our day or even our life. As there is lots of tension roaming around in the mind of the people working a Dirty Quotes or a Funny Jokes Quotes Video can boost their mind again for the work.


Cool Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” ― Mark Twain

“Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.” ― Rodney Dangerfield

“Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” ― Phyllis Diller



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Why do people say life is short? Live the longest thing you could ever do…

“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” ― Marilyn Monroe

My mother texted me “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?” I answered: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later” Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister”

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” ― Winston S. Churchill

The girl who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.



“If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?” ― Jerry Seinfeld

Superman really isn’t that impressive, anyone can stop a speeding bullet at least once.

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” ― George Carlin

Don't face your problem if the problem is your FACE hehehe

“Don't be so humble - you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir


Funny Quotes For Whatsapp

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An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building and after 50 floors says, “So far so good!”

“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.” ― Bill Cosby

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra

When I drink alcohol…everyone says I’m alcoholic but When I drink Fanta…no one says I’m fantastic.

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won“Headline?" he asked. "'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said. "'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said. "'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.” ― John Green't come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra

Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk & the Boy next to you took three, what would you have? Student: A Fight.

“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti

When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to…But when a boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

“I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist” ― Gena Showalter

Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. – Winston Churchill

“But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.” ― J.K. Rowling

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. – George Carlin

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal

When someone says everything happens for a reason, I’d like to smack them and say, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …” Demetri Martin

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

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“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time.” ― Wendy Mass

I love it when I buy a bag of air & the company is nice enough to put some chips in.

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” ― Robert Benchley

Kids born in 2000 never have to worry about forgetting how old they are.

“Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” ― William Goldman

Math problems: Jane bought 72 sofas…WHO THE HELL WOULD BUY 72 SOFAS?!

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. – George Carlin

Don’t do drugs kids. There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.

When Life Gives You Lemons… Throw Them Back And Demand Chocolate. I Totally Just Made That Up 8

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got? – Bill Maher

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up. After I finish laughing!

I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.

Always follow the light out of the tunnel. Just make sure that its not a train.

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house now?

“THE IMPOSSIBLE…” what nobody can do until some body does…….

If you want to look young and skinny stand next to a bunch of fat old people.

Funny Quotes In Hindi

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वफ़ा ढूढने निकला था, ग़ालिब WiFi मिल गया, उधर ही बैठ गया.

“कुछ लड़कियाँ अपनी विदाई पर ऐसे दहाड़े मारकर रोती हैं कि समझ में नही आता, इनको “दूल्हा” मिल रहा है या इनसे “छीना” जा रहा है.”

जितनी जल्दी लड़को को प्यार हो जाता है, उतनी जल्दी लड़कियाँ ये भी डिसाइड नहीं कर पाती है, की डार्क लिपस्टिक लगनी है या लाइट “.

कुछ लड़कियाँ तो इस कदर खूबसूरत होती हैं, कि लड़के अपने मन में ही…..खुद को रिजेक्ट कर लेते है.

बदनाम तो केवल दारु को किया है, किडनी तो साला मैगी ने ख़राब किया हे.

खुश रहे तू सदा यह दुआ है मेरी, तेरी प्रेमिका ही बन जाए भाभी तेरी.

मत देख ऐ हसीना मुझको यु हँसते हँसते, मेरे दोस्त बड़े नालायक है कह देंगे भाभी नमस्ते.

यूँ तो हम अपनी जिन्दगी में बेख़ौफ़ जीते हे, बस सिगरेट है, जो आपसे छुपा कर पीतें हे.

वक्त बहुत कीमती होता है, इसलिए अपना नहीं दूसरों का बरबाद करें

एक बात समझ मे नही आ रही इतने Prince और Queen तौ मुग्लो के राज मे भी नही थे जितने आज Facebook पर राज कर रहे है

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बेटी बचाओ, बेटी पढ़ाओ, और ……..इनको ढंग की ड्राइविंग भी सिखाओ…..बाल बाल बचा हूँ अभी

बड़े सुकून से जी रहा हूँ ग़ालिब एक तंग करने वाली ही दे दे मालिक

3 तलाक के बाद सुप्रीम कोर्ट को love you as a friend पर भी सुनवाई करनी चाहिए

भगवान से तो माँग लोगे उसको, मगर उसके बाप से कैसे माँगोगे

आजकल प्राईवेट स्कुल की मैडम की उम्र इतनी कम हो गई है कि बच्चे सीधे पटाने के जुगाड़ मे लग जाते है

आजकल तो बच्चों को इतने नम्बर आते हैं 98.8% , 99.2%, 99.6% हमें तो सिर्फ इतना बुखार आता था

उसने पूछा क्या पसंद है तुम्हें ? मैं कितनी देर उसकी सहेली को घूरता रहा

दिल चाहता है ज़ोर – ज़ोर से तालीयाँ बजाऊँ और बीच में उसका मुँह हो

मोहब्बत और कुछ करे या ना करे, मोबाईल 📱जरूर साईलेंट करवा देती है

मुकद्दर में रात की नींद नही… तो क्या हुआ…?? हम भी मुकद्दर के सिकन्दर हैं… दोपहर को सो जाते हैं…

Funny Latest Quotes About Life

As their are other thousands of of having a smile on the face but the smile comes from a Funny Joke or a Funny Status make are mind more refreshed. As now we are living in a technician world where we can send Funny Gifs Quotes , Funny Quotes with Images, Funny Quotes for friends to any corner of the world. To make a person laugh is like something you get without investing. No doubt internet is a hub where you can easily find Funny Quotes, Corny Jokes, Funny Quotes SMS Messages but here on our website we sorted out the best collection for you.

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I'm such a neat freak I feel bad when I don't empty the trash basket on my laptop.

You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!

I'm confused about why landlines have a hashtag. Did Grandma do some Tweeting back in her day?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

How good would it be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire!

Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. :)

Looking for me? I'm with stupid. Doing what stupid does.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

If it doesn't make sense just smile and nod.

Never argue with an idiot they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you through experience

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It's six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

Today I found out that spring rolls are not just for eating in springtime.

Everybody wishes they could go to heaven but no one wants to die.

I'm not immature I just know how to have fun more than you do.

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

According to my childhood, one out of three pigs is a good builder.

When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…

What's lighter than blue? Light blue.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.

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What's lighter than black? Every color.

I still miss my ex – But guess what? My Aim is getting better :D

Smile, while you still have teeth!

All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.

These instructions would be just as useful if they were written with a blunt pencil.

Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.

I hate typo's. You mix up a couple of letters and your entire status is urined.

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. It always gets laughs!

Food is an important part of keeping a balanced diet.

I’m an excellent housekeeper..Every time I get divorce I keep the house ;- )

If I share it I don't have it. So I keep my secret.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

Today I found out kidney beans do not come from the kidneys of small animals, they are just beans. I had been avoiding eating them up until now.

If common sense is so common why is there so many people with out it??

Why do they call it after dark when it's really after light?

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When nothing goes right, Go left.

Why do they call it a pair of pant's when they are not a pair?

It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

It goes up and never comes down (Your age).

My mind is like lighting, one brilliant flash, then its gone…:(

Hard work never killed anyone but why take the chance?

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life! If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

You are reading this status even though it's stupid.

**when life gives you lemons.. Squirt it in your enemies eyes!!***

This just goes to prove, even if I write a silly status update you will read it!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Be crazy, be stupid, be wild because life's too short to be cool.

If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion.

School is a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guard and WE ARE THE PRISONERS!

Funny Quotes For Facebook/Whatsapp

Everyone loves to laugh and in friends we laugh out louder as there are many jokes cracked every second. Friends are the the best to inspire us With their Funny jokes Quotes in hindi and they forward it to all the whatsapp group so that they can make everyone’s laugh. From ancient times we are hearing and reading a very famous saying “ Laughter is the best Medicine”. But as this present time that we are so engaged with our work that we are losing our million dollar smile and from here we find a way to laugh by watching out some Funny memes and Funny Videos on the social media sites.

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I don't need a therapist. I just need a friend to be silly with.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped

I used to wonder what it would be like to read other people's minds. Then I got facebook.

When life gives you lemons…throw them over your shoulder and look for an orange

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

Sometimes I pretend to be average, but it gets boring. So I go back to being AWESOME!

To learn you must make mistakes; when you make a mistake you often will get in trouble. So then why do teachers punish you when you get into trouble if you are only learning, which is exactly what they want you to do?

God grant me the serenity not to look like a fool today.

All I want is for one guy to prove that they are not all the same.

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I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.valentinesday

Life: Besides gravity, nothing keeps me down.

Maybe the day doesn't like being seized.

Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist.

Chocolate doesn't ask silly question. Chocolate always comforts.

Rlaely it deson’t mttaer waht I wirte you’ll sitll uanrtednsnd it

Exercise. A poor man's plastic surgery.

Everyone has the right to their own opinion… Yours is just wrong.

Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's photoshop.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy – the parents.

Don't be silly, I'm not mad at you. I just decided to unfriend you (In real life).

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I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Don't expect an intelligent answer when you ask a stupid question.

Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

I'm at the age where happy hour is my nap time.

When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone.

I'm not stupid... Until you put me in front of a good looking emotionally unavailable man.

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. …

When my internet is down I forget that the rest of my computer still works.

Ok so I applied for a job at a mental hospital and they said I needed 24 hrs experience with a retard..so …uhh…um do you wanna hang out?

You are the result of 5 billion years of successful evolution. Now act like it.

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There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.

The first step of forgiveness is understanding some people are just stupid.

Don’t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

I wasn't that drunk. Dude, you were in the pool trying to find Nemo.

There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.

Adults are just kids with money.

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.

The thought of wearing jeans that aren't skinny jeans bothers me. I mean what did I used to do with all that extra space around the ankles?

A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

I just automatically think you're signing off with lots of love when you type LOL.

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It isn't that I'm not a people person. I'm just not a stupid people person.

Call me silly, but I don't know why the number 11 is not pronounced onety one?

You can't fix stupid. But you can watch it in action. Every day. On Facebook.

I am so behind the times I thought YOLO was someone who was friends with J Lo.

Yes I did delete you from my friends list. I grew bored of your stupid status updates every 2 minutes, every day.

No one is going to think you're silly for putting one more haha on the end of your hahahaha!

I don't know Karate, but I know CRAZY and I'm not afraid to use it.

When a person laughs too much over stupid things that person is sad deep inside.

Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsens of those who think they talk sense.

Friends Funny Quotes

Here on our site you will find a large variety of Latest Quotes and funny Jokes which you can forward to your friends, make it as your status or you can read to cheer your mood up. Every kind of stuff is available on our website which are already sort out to be the best one which make you laugh louder and you will not resist yourself to forward it your family members, Friends and someone special.

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There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.

Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.

Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’

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Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

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Funny Love Quotes For Whatsapp/Facebook

Funny Quotes Videos are also available on the internet and some are so funny that it takes seconds to convert your mood into a laughing bird. Cracking Funny Jokes in the friends group and laugh again remind it and laugh is a usual things we do with our Friends. Enjoy by reading the Funny quotes, Funny Quotes Messages, funny wallpapers, knock knock jokes.